Day 3

Today I , er, my illusional transportation vessel, my body feels almost normal today. :-)… I must be adapting. The lower temp helped. I think it was only 90 today. This is still not fun, but this is livable. I have worked out in Kung Fu seminars with this temp. One can function with some effort. Hmm how is this different. Length I guess would be the number one thing. Hmm er, well beside the Spiritual training that is. Walking the Mountain would be the same as jumping around with weapons for time on end, or stances or a thousand kicks and punches, that sort of thing. Horse stance equal to Garden weeding…If you have a tool, weapons training… ahh, I know, cold water! the access is easy and plenty. Anyway onward…
Today I , er, my ilustional transportation vessel, my body feels almost normal today.

We started Zazen as usual @ 5:15 am!! YUK!!! 5:15 until 7:00 !!!! then breakfast.
I really dislike these long Zazen session. Like one dislikes taking a medicine. You know it will do you good, but it has a bitterness about it. Oh well, Yosh~

A 4O min sitting , then 15 min walk then another 30 min sitting, then chanting, then prostrating… I dislike that part the most…really Mostly because they do it like it is a race. There maybe a reason, but I do not know it. I’m feeling it maybe something to do with throwing away ego, being humble. If one is racing to be the first or fastest to throw away their ego. Isn’t that still ego? Now to be clear I do not dislike doing the zazen, just the l - o - n - g ones. That is because of my own weakness of mind and spirit… and laziness. Not wanting to fight, (make love not war) beyond the discomfort of aches and pains of sitting for a long periods. 30 min is good for me. I’m cool with that. Yes, I know, one must push themselves, go that extra 5 min in stance training, use that little stronger Yumi ( bow). Also sitting here is a breeze for a long times over that of my Ch’an practice who do not use cushions! It really is luxury when thinkning about it. I can endure, stillness. Find that calm in the storm….demon attacks…aches pains

I do feel though am getting more into the flow of the Zazen sessions here now. The sittings do not seems quite so long. I can follow the words on the written out for the chants.

The 5:15 am thing is still unpleasant but…Shikatanei…it cannot be help…. it’s good training. I am during one period of sitting, noticing we sit in darkness to light and light to darkness. We awake with the sun and life of the day. We turn turn Yang nature ( working) as does our part of the land, we are in harmony with the moment. That this dojo has a strong Zen practice intergrated awareness is one one of the main draws for me.

Breakfast was good today for me. I had cream of wheat with some fruit in it and some homemade Banana Walnut bread!! Sugoi oshii!!.
I have been noticing I am almost sick with hunger and in pain before breakfast and before lunch. I tried eating a bit of protein bar before morning zazen. Eating it made me feel ill slightly so I ate only a couple of bites. It worked somewhat but was so painful a few minutes later and dry at the time. I rather deal with the pure hunger pain than ones from a small amount of snack. I would have been better if I a drank alot of water like I generally do first in the morning…but…then there is the lack of freedom to just get up and answer natures call…
So a mouth full of water only…
Another thing I am noticing is I am almost sick when eating at first when I first start a meal. I see others just dig in. Me, I have to eat slowly or i’ll be sick. I do not want to eat much because of the heat, but I know I need to eat something. So I eat slowly…of my choices. I miss any seconds
Good training to eat less…sigh.

Today and last night I was on kitchen detail. Not bad, it makes things go faster with a bunch of us doing it. It also gives one the sense of a “wa” groupness. One also gets to interact with the residents..feeling non-duality. From there it is one hour of work practice. I am on gardening duty.

Pulling onions, weeds, lettuces, etc. It was kind of fun, kind of, it reminded me of the days in Virginia with my grandmother. If I had the proper gear, it could have been enjoyable. I wished for my gloves and to be starting before the sun was where it is, knee pads…
All the meals are great here part of the reason is alot of things are from the garden!!! The veggies are all organically grown here, one can really taste the favor and the freshness. The other is the chef and I think the chi that goes into the life here from the earth to the people back to the earth.

I’m really liking the feeling of being here in the Mountains with all the Redwoods, and Pines. It has been a while since I connected with the earth and trees, it was good. I had always enjoyed being in the woods as a child. The wooded path next to the Zendo reminds me of a Japanese forest. When walking around in my Kyudo gear of feel a real sense of old Japan in my mind…

well, other than the redwoods, but just imagining things, in old Japan. In a mountain forest walking to some village or shrine. A few
fancifully moments of simple fun.

Today was cooler, THANK GOD, so more people were into shooting today. I learned the kneeing form and also the weight of Yumi ( bow) that works well for me. It is interesting listening to Oniisan (older brother) speak on the relationship with Zen practice and Kyudo. Which is one of the things I enjoy about doing Kyudo with this group is the Zen practice connection as I’ve said before. Not just some abstract concept but real practice integration. I wished could have taped some of it. In one of the chats with another guy. We spoke on the “other” school I had spoke with in Emeryville and thought the teacher had a poor attitute for a instructor. This guy, I was speaking with said the instructor guy told him. If he wanted to study Kyudo as a Martial Art then , his group was the place to be. If one wanted the Spiritual Kyudo, Kyudo as meditation then our school was the path. For me I wanted both. But really more of the Zen Kyudo. I do not really care much for the “sport” chi. There was a Lady from LA with our group who also studied with the “ other “ style in LA. She was content to do both. I want knowledge from the other style for the rank and affiliation I can get and use in Japan. hmm kind of like taking up golf for business. The current style is purely about me learning, shooting and Zen.

Tao Mo says, “do not be attached, even to which is the “correct way” of Zen practice.”

Whaa hoo , Yatta! Here is something few think about or would expect to hear here. I figured out, today how to pee with out having to take off the Hakama. Very helpful with as much water as I have been drinking. Up until then I had to take all the ties and knots loose. Not something that can be done quickly when I HAVE to GO!!! Sometime it would take five minutes just to untie stuff so I could answer the call. I had to plan ahead. Anyway I figured it out. Omedeto Zen-kun!

I have been in desire of some ICE COLD something to drink. Today we had it at lunch! OMG!! I had several cups from the four pieces of ice I had in my first cup! It was sooo good and refreshing. That is one of the first things I plan on doing once back in a town. Get a large bottle of something COLD and a little sweet. Maybe some Apple juice, just thinking about it …Mmmmm. Simple pleasures , can bring great joy…

I slept better last night, not still not great, but better. I hope I can do better tonight.. Small steps are ok. I guess overall considering a lack of sleep, the heat, the altitude and terrain, being out of shape for this, hungry, and in some kind of pain… I’m dong ok. This is a warriors retreat…Banzai!

We just finished dinner, it is now break time. Zazen will start in 30 min. 7:30 to 9:00!!! Crimany! There will be lights out 30 min. from that point. Evening zazen is nicer in some way. Maybe because I do not have to walk up a hill in the dark at O-dark :10 in the morning, half asleep. Evening Zazen is a settling chi, the fading from sight of the trees, light to dark, shades and beams of colors, dimming…finally darkness and Yin chi settles on our world space.